I’m In A Relationship. It’s Complicated.

It’s been quite a while since my last post. You could be forgiven for assuming that I’ve fallen in to some kind of rickety half arsed relationship. But I haven’t. Instead, I’ve been scratching my head at others who seemingly have.

Yes, the “complicated relationship”. The romance that’s legitimate enough to go on Facebook, but somehow fucked up enough to make you the laughing stock of your friends and the head shaking pity of strangers.

I haven’t yet understood the reason behind switching your status to a complicated relationship on Facebook. Why the fuck would you want the rest of the world to know? It’s generally the choice of whiny emo bitches who feel the need to claim taken status, without actually having the…you know, commitment to merit it. These are exactly the kind of posers I end up deleting from my Facebook.

Secondly, if you’ve been dating somebody for several months, and you make the effort to change your status so that it says “Hi, we’re still dating, it’s just gotten complicated”, what do you expect people to assume? The sex has dried up? The warts have been exposed? Or maybe cheating has chiseled a hole in the once strong romance you used to be such a smug bastard about? Either way, I don’t need to know. Nobody needs to know.

The real fun comes from guessing whether their partners are actually aware that their relationships have developed complications overnight. And then when it all explodes, please tell me I’m not the only one to analyze which party is “single” and which is in an unmarked relationship? Always helpful for working out who did the dumping…

Personally, I’m reluctant to tell the world even if I’ve been in a solid relationship for several months. Partly because that very rarely happens and partly because I like to retain a hint of what was once referred to as a private life.

Or am I just clinically insane?

Another bunch of sour grapes I’d like to address involves the misuse of a famous Marilyn Monroe quote. You may have seen it floating around on your wall. It goes a little like this:

“I’m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best”

Now if Marilyn Monroe had been alive in 2010, maybe she’d have the grace and class to get away with posting something so up it’s own arse. But some of the girls I’ve seen relaying the message as their status updates…well let’s just say if there happened to be a “wishful thinking” button next to “like”, I’d be well used to hammering it by now.

You’re not Marilyn, darling. And as for handling you at your worst? Marilyn Fucking Manson looks sweeter on the blob.

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