Living Together Before Marriage, A Twisted View

I recently stumbled across an article carefully explaining the sins and impracticalities of living together before marriage. Yep, you guessed it, straight from the pen of a Bible-basher who’s taken his/her views to the point of extremity.

You can read the article, Should Couples Live Together Before Marriage on Flowing Love. But if you’re blessed with any experience of the twenty first century, be prepared to grow more and more agitated with the passing of every sentence.

The basic gist of the article is that for a couple to live together before marriage, they can only be insecure or uncommitted to their relationship:

“What about someone who says that marriage is just a piece of paper and that it is fine for couples to live together? That generally comes from someone who does not want to commit, and could be associated with insecurity as well. It also may come from someone who does not want to commit, but at the same time desires to be sexually fulfilled, (self-indulgence).”

Hold on, at what moment does a couple decide the time is right to get married? From the moment they lay eyes on each other for the first time? If this ridiculous drivel were to be believed, we’d be catapulted from the womb with the name of our soul mate tattooed on our heads.

Many couples are perfectly happy to live together without sparing a thought for the ritual of marriage. And what of those who can’t afford to get married? Should they bow to the medieval preconceptions of a far-gone Christian and his WordPress?

“If we are truly honest with ourselves we will readily admit that couples who live together, outside of the context of marriage, are living in a relationally premature situation.”

You can rest assured the author is a pampered spoon-fed pony who never had to pay his own rent or find a way to cope with a recession.

Besides wanting to live together, sharing a home with your partner is about the only way for most couples to afford rent where I come from. Should they stay locked up in Mother’s basement until the day they can justify living together with a piece of paper?

With all due respect to Christians, because I know we’re talking about an extreme minority here, this is one of the tell-tale signs of an individual and a belief that has lost it’s place in society. I want to slap the author with a wet fish. That is all.

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Plentyoffish Inbox Empty? Tips For Males!

Is your Plentyoffish inbox empty? Are you getting the serial cold shoulder treatment?

Plentyoffish seems to be the free dating site of choice for singletons these days. With millions of members and no user restrictions, the site is growing at a rapid pace. And it’s easy to see why.

We looked at some sites like Plentyoffish last week, but there’s no doubt that POF is still the kingpin. The problem for many male members is that it also happens to be an incredibly lop-sided community.

The deciding factor in whether your Plentyoffish inbox is buzzing or bare can be pinned on one hopeless question:

Are you a man or a woman?

If the answer is male, prepare to do a whole lot of chasing for little or no replies. It sucks to have a penis online. This is the bare truth.

But if you’re a woman? Get your trigger finger ready on the “Block” button. Dating sites are lop-sided by their very nature. Plentyoffish takes the cake, though.

Some demographics serve up as many as 15 messages to a female’s inbox for every single message that a male receives.

While I have no interest in using Plentyoffish personally, the sweet science of online dating is something that intrigues me greatly. I just read this post over on the Plentyoffish dating blog and if you’re a male, there are a number of good pointers you can take away. I’m going to summarize for the benefit of all those empty POF inboxes.

If I had to apply some common sense, I would say the easiest way to fix Plentyoffish is a two step formula:

a) Men to send better messages.
b) Women to actually reply to some of them.

But, of course, love is a game without logic.

Perhaps the best advice for guys on Plentyoffish is to strip away any over-powering masculinity and write like a woman. This evidence is firmly supported not only by the case study above, but by OkCupid’s statistical analysis.

Women are suspicious, skeptical, cynical and just downright hard to draw out of their shells on dating sites. It’s an instinctive quality, probably born through the sheer abundance of “creepers” they’ve been messaged by over time.

I’m going to copy and paste one of the most successful profiles from the Plentyoffish dating blog, so you can see how this lack of masculinity pans out. The dude below has been listed as a “favourite” by an abnormally high number of women. But why?

His profile:

“Who am I? . . . I’m Spider-Man. Wait, no, that was a movie! . . . . . I would describe myself as stable in my career and goal-oriented. I enjoy making people laugh. I am intelligent and can carry on meaningful conversations. I care about other people’s feelings. . . . . . When I’m with someone special I like being spontaneous, adventurous, romantic, surprising them with little gestures, sensual, playful, and basically having that type of fun you see two people who just met in the movies having! Someone to laugh with, hang out with, be spontaneous with, and have fun with! I’m looking for someone who has similar qualities and desires someone who they can connect with . . . . . . I feel there has to be mutual physical attraction for there to be good chemistry between two people. So being fit and having good looks are important, as well as sensuality and affection. . . . . . Having some similar interests helps–some things I enjoy are fine dining, walking at the beach at night, going dancing, watching movies including foreign films, travelling, going snowboarding, going on day trips to local attractions, having romantic nights at home, cuddling, and basically having a blast together. . . . . .”

It reads like a woman wrote it. Christ, I’ve seen enough of the PUA industry to have no doubt that one probably did. The language is soft, passive and distinctly nonthreatening.

Just look at those interests! Fine dining, dancing, walking on the bloody beach at night. Are you kidding me? No man in his right mind recites these interests to his mates at the pub.

As for “going on day trips to local attractions”, this is blatant lady-friendly terminology for saying “I like to get rat-arsed and watch the game on Sunday afternoons“. More to the point, it doesn’t matter what you mean. What matters is how you say it. Women will always respond more positively to language that appeals to them and doesn’t scream this man is out to terrorize my life.

It’s important to write your profile in such a way that, despite giving up whatever masculinity you have, a woman can read your shit and have boxes ticking in her head.

So if that empty Plentyoffish inbox is beginning to bother you, maybe it’s time to send less messages and spend more time portraying yourself in a light that women can easily gravitate towards.

Rewrite your profile, or get a female friend to word it for you. I know many guys who’ve done this and seen a big improvement in their response rates.

Of course, the alternative is to abandon Plentyoffish altogether and join a dating site where the playing field is more even. Other dating sites can offer much better ratios of active female to male members. If you join a dating site where the users are more serious about actually dating, well who knows? You might actually get a date out of this whole ordeal. And as many guys would attest, it would be a fine achievement indeed.

Alternatives to Plentyoffish:

If you’re looking for a slightly more ‘liberal’ dating site aimed at casual dating demographics, check out the controversially sexy Just Hookup dating website. Free registrations for users in the UK, USA, Canada, Australia and New Zealand.

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First Time Meeting The Parents

Remember the very first time you laid eyes… on your partner’s parents?

Meeting the family can be a nerve-jangling experience, but there are some easy mistakes to avoid. Without further ado, I present to you, the biggest “first time meeting the parents” faux-pas in the book.

Behold:

First time meeting the parents...

Now what is wrong with this picture?

I think we can forgive the guy for the nervous tension in his face. But clearly he’s trying so hard to keep the smile on display, he forgot to not look like an escaped serial killer.

Ahh, that schoolboy error.

I’ve got some sympathy for the dude. Not least because he’s about to get served a restraining order to stay away from Daddy’s little girl, but also because he’s on the front page of Reddit.

I guess if you’re going to meet the parents, you may as well leave a lasting impression. Just try not to let it be criminal intent, in future!

Sites Like Plentyoffish

Plentyoffish has long been recognised as the Daddy of free dating sites. Millions of members, no user restrictions and a name that sounds out around the world. The POF brand speaks for itself.

I mean, come on, even Lady Gaga featured the damn thing in a music video. How many other dating sites can claim that sort of presence in pop culture? The answer is not many, but we can see the tide turning.

Sites like Plentyoffish are beginning to emerge on the horizon, and unlike the many that have failed before, these may actually have a chance of catching on. Facebook has changed an entire generation’s interpretation of how a social networking site should be done.

Remember when it cost an arm and a leg just to open a message on Friends Reunited? We do. Dating sites can’t afford to charge what they once did, because the competition is so fierce.

And who wins in that situation? You!

Sites like Plentyoffish are springing up everywhere, following the trend of giving away a great deal of functionality for free. You’d be surprised just how many dating sites offer the same free incentives as POF. Not all of them are 100% free, but even Plentyoffish has started to implement paid features.

The Best Alternatives to Plentyoffish

Just Hookup – Millions of members onboard already, and growing at a frightening rate, Just Hookup has just the right blend of free and paid features to be able to compete with Plentyoffish. Just like POF, Hookup aims to capture all singles – young, old, rich or poor. But it is geared towards more risque dating. Lots of skin, lots of sex, and probably lots of robots too!

Sites like Plentyoffish are going to be appearing and disappearing very often over the coming months. One thing’s for sure, if you’re looking to find a date online, there ain’t gonna be a shortage of services looking to grab you by the hand. Happy hunting.

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Would You Date America’s Next Top Model?

Reality television is something I try to avoid for fear of losing my last remaining brain cells. But when my girlfriend seizes control of the remote, I often suffer the displeasure of encountering dinosaurs like Kim Kardashian (Keeping Up With The Kardashians), Scary Spice and whoever the hell else happens to be airing their dirty laundry for all to see at the time.

A reality show that struck a chord with me quite recently is the notorious America’s Next Top Model. Or as I prefer to call it…America’s Next Total Wench.

What a great idea. Let’s watch a bunch of catty bitches argue amongst themselves while occasionally taking a photo that serves to remind us of only one thing. Beauty is skin deep. And often stupid.

Everything I hate about reality television can be summed up in the name of the show. Come on, lady. If you REALLY had a hope in Hell of becoming America’s Next Top Model, you wouldn’t be making a prat out of yourself on Star TV. You’d have been plucked from the audition line long before it got to the point of me choking on my popcorn at how much of a fuck-up you are.

I’ve never had the opportunity to live in America, so I can’t say this with any degree of certainty. But if the women are anything like those to be found on America’s Next Top Model – dumb, shallow as a fart with egos to rival Tyra Banks herself – I can safely say I’d never want to.

And what about Kim Kardashian? Jesus Christ, don’t even get me started on Kim Kardashian. What exactly has this bint contributed to the world other than a sex tape and the unfortunate legacy of her clan’s stupidity frozen on tape? Yet, shiver me timbers, I’m told Keeping Up With The Kardashians draws in a regular viewership of over 3 million households.

Do girls actually aspire to be like these shallow socialites?

Do guys actually get off on the idea of dating one?

To each his or her own. I’m not going to judge. I’m just going to sit here and bury my head in the world’s largest facepalm.

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Obama Caught Staring At Titty

Is Pressa Obama in the dog house?

Looks like the big man has some explaining to do!

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Look Better Online Review

LookBetterOnline.com opens it’s sale pitch by begging the question; Do people ever say, “You look better in person”?

Already I’m left scratching my head. For me, the answer to that question is an emphatic “No, and don’t ever ask me again…”

I can airbrush my Facebook photos and I can handpick my sexiest Twitter avatar. But I sure as hell can’t hide behind perfect lighting or misleading pixels if you meet me in the flesh.

Here is a service catered to dating website users. The aim of Look Better Online is to match you with a professional photographer – in your area – who can bring out the beauty in those default profile pics. That’s right. It’s the virtual equivalent of whispering in a friend’s ear to put out a good word that you’re “actually a nice chap”.

You can pay $149 to have your features contorted in to attractive photo shots that buck the trend of Stella red-eye. You can then take those photos, upload them to your dating site of choice and pray to the saints that somebody notices a difference.

Artificial attraction. Mmm, we like it already!

The Best Profile Pictures – Who Gives A…?!

I think the appeal of Look Better Online has been slightly warped away from it’s target market. It shouldn’t be to match your beauty in the street with the quality of your photos online. Because that’s obviously not going so well if you’re frequenting a service like this in the first place. But rather, it should be to hide the flaws and give yourself as much chance of attracting a skin-deep reply as you can feasibly muster.

Am I being a little harsh? Maybe.

You don’t have to be Prince Fugly to use Look Better Online. Christ, you don’t even have to be using the photos for a dating profile to begin with. It’s all about how you want to be perceived on the web.

Say what you want about dating sites. But anybody who disagrees that people don’t make snap judgments based on the lure of your profile pics has clearly been driven up the wall by PC convention. That’s not how it plays.

People on dating sites WILL and DO judge you as a person by the photo they see in front of them. In that regard, I can see why many singletons are flocking to LookBetterOnline.com as a pick-me-up that shows themselves in the best light.

Is it something your camera-obsessed niece could probably manage with last Christmas’s Canon present? Yes, probably. You could ask a friend or family member to get you the same professional style shot.

But if we can say anything about LookBetterOnline.com, it’s that the guys know what they’re doing. The photos are professional, but in the right way. You don’t want to look over-posey. I mean, Christ, it’s a profile photo. Not America’s Next Top Model.

As part of the standard Look Better Online package, you’ll receive a minimum of 12 professional photos. You can choose between 2 and 4 “looks”. A look is essentially… “Hold on ten minutes while I change in to another outfit and get my Vogue on…”

The appointment shouldn’t take longer than an hour and the number of cities covered by the service is expanding rapidly.

I think it’s a little too late for me to look better online. This blog has sealed my fate and condemned me forevermore. But maybe you still have hope. Check out LookBetterOnline.com if you’re interested in a virtual makeover.

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First Message Dating Howlers To Avoid

The first dating message is quite often the only chance you’ll get to make an impact on sites like Plentyoffish and Match. For guys, sending the right first message isn’t the only hurdle you’ll face. But it’s definitely an instant eliminator if you get it wrong.

So what makes the perfect first message? How do you peak somebody’s interest without treating your introduction like the scientific equation it was never supposed to be? And finally, how can you draw attention to yourself without, you know…drawing bad attention to yourself?

I’m a huge fan of the OKCupid blog, and once again, they’ve come up trumps with a fantastic statistical analysis of what is most likely to get you a reply on dating sites.

Did you know that one single letter is likely to lower your chances of receiving a reply to a measly 7%?

It makes a little more sense when you realise that the letter in question is “u”. Yes, net speak is a definite no-no. Have you ever sent a message with what you THOUGHT was casual friendly slang?

“Hey stranger, think u look very pretty. How was ur weekend?”

Besides being painfully bland with the Eric Generic conversation skills, you’ve actually shot yourself in the foot and almost guaranteed a future marked “Read & Deleted”. Because in reality, she’s probably taken “u” and “ur” as a sign of your terrible ability to express yourself.

I know, it sounds like a ridiculous assessment of such trivial wordplay. And I know many couples who occasionally – and often annoyingly – splatter their other halves’ Facebook pages with slang affection. But the stats don’t lie. OKCupid has a metric shit ton of them at their disposal, and it’s plain to see that using slang instantly decreases your chance of a reply.

Unless you’re conversing with a similarly challenged buffoon. But alas…

Most online daters are savvy to slang already. It’s not so much the grammar, or technical ability, but the failure to engage in their first messages that lets them down.

Another notable trend shows that if you’re a guy, it’s probably a good idea to tuck that Alpha Male streak back in to your pants and learn to laugh at yourself. Self-deprecating words like “sorry” and less aggressive portrayals of your interests are likely to win the day.

“I’m madly passionate about football. I play twice a week and love to watch the game.”

Becomes…

“Well, I kinda like playing football. I train pretty often and don’t like missing a game, so sorry if I’ve disappeared by the time you get this!”

On the surface, these are both quite bland and uninspiring tidbits to include in your first message.

Hey, you probably shouldn’t attach your life story in the first place. Or any scientific breakdown of your interests for that matter. You’re not submitting some romantic manifesto for “How I’m Going To Change Your Life In 2011/12″. You’re sending a frigging first message that’s probably, by the law of averages, going to end up deleted.

Back to what I was saying. The difference between these two examples is that the latter quote conveys your interests using much more self-deprecating language. It’s almost apologetic. For many people, this may break from their real life personalities. But as a proven way of getting replies, it’s simple and effective.

If I could recommend the single biggest reply-booster for first message online dating, I would tell you this. Read the bloody profile of the person you’re messaging!

The ultimate turn-off, particularly for women, is to receive a message that screams “copy and pasted”. If you don’t read the user’s profile and establish some aspects of their life that you can draw in to conversation, you’re destined for an empty inbox from the outset.

If you’re reading this and can think of some first message dating howlers you’ve received, feel free to share them!

I do love me some laughing at the expense of others.

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Dating For Married People

Once upon a time, dating websites were as simple as “You’re single. I’m single. Let’s see if we tick the right boxes?”

These days, dating websites have morphed in to a wild collection of micro-niches catering for every want and need. If you’re only interested in dating black women, that’s fine, join a black dating website. If you like them mature, there’s plenty of cougar services on the horizon. Whatever your taste, a dating service has emerged to fill that demand.

But there’s one micro-niche that I can’t help but find morally dubious, despite my belief of the old “to each his own” saying. And that would be the extra-marital affairs market. Yes, in case you haven’t noticed, there are a growing number of websites specialising in “matchmaking behind her back”. Guys and girls can register to seek out affairs, or just some hanky panky on the road.

Gleeden has received national newspaper coverage in the UK. If I had one guess, I would say that it was probably from those joyous souls at the Daily Mail. An extra-maritals dating site? Sounds like the sort of feature they’d have wet dreams about running.

With over 650,000 members – the large majority in the UK – Gleeden has certainly seized a large platform and a lot of attention to go with it. Gleeden is very popular with busy professionals who travel regularly and leave their spouses at home with the kids. Of course, it takes two to tango. Many women are registered with the intention of shagging outside their relationships. And then you have a large cluster of vixens who have no existing relationship but enjoy the thrill of stealing a man.

It’s a twisted concept, but does it matter whether we like it or not?

The fact is, there’s clearly a DEMAND for this kind of service. And if it wasn’t Gleeden cashing in, it would be another service.

I’m sure most readers will be comfortable in the knowledge their partners wouldn’t even think of joining such a scandalous website. But with 650,000 members, somebody out there is living in denial.

What do you think of services like Gleeden? Are they harmlessly catering to a demand that would prosper elsewhere if “dating for married people” sites didn’t exist? Or are they encouraging the kind of behaviour that could make a cheater out of a straight man?

Check out our full Gleeden review.

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