First Message Dating Howlers To Avoid

Posted: March 8th, 2011 | Author: | Filed under: Attempts At Seduction, First Date Drama, First Dating Message | No Comments »

The first dating message is quite often the only chance you’ll get to make an impact on sites like Plentyoffish and Match. For guys, sending the right first message isn’t the only hurdle you’ll face. But it’s definitely an instant eliminator if you get it wrong.

So what makes the perfect first message? How do you peak somebody’s interest without treating your introduction like the scientific equation it was never supposed to be? And finally, how can you draw attention to yourself without, you know…drawing bad attention to yourself?

I’m a huge fan of the OKCupid blog, and once again, they’ve come up trumps with a fantastic statistical analysis of what is most likely to get you a reply on dating sites.

Did you know that one single letter is likely to lower your chances of receiving a reply to a measly 7%?

It makes a little more sense when you realise that the letter in question is “u”. Yes, net speak is a definite no-no. Have you ever sent a message with what you THOUGHT was casual friendly slang?

“Hey stranger, think u look very pretty. How was ur weekend?”

Besides being painfully bland with the Eric Generic conversation skills, you’ve actually shot yourself in the foot and almost guaranteed a future marked “Read & Deleted”. Because in reality, she’s probably taken “u” and “ur” as a sign of your terrible ability to express yourself.

I know, it sounds like a ridiculous assessment of such trivial wordplay. And I know many couples who occasionally – and often annoyingly – splatter their other halves’ Facebook pages with slang affection. But the stats don’t lie. OKCupid has a metric shit ton of them at their disposal, and it’s plain to see that using slang instantly decreases your chance of a reply.

Unless you’re conversing with a similarly challenged buffoon. But alas…

Most online daters are savvy to slang already. It’s not so much the grammar, or technical ability, but the failure to engage in their first messages that lets them down.

Another notable trend shows that if you’re a guy, it’s probably a good idea to tuck that Alpha Male streak back in to your pants and learn to laugh at yourself. Self-deprecating words like “sorry” and less aggressive portrayals of your interests are likely to win the day.

“I’m madly passionate about football. I play twice a week and love to watch the game.”

Becomes…

“Well, I kinda like playing football. I train pretty often and don’t like missing a game, so sorry if I’ve disappeared by the time you get this!”

On the surface, these are both quite bland and uninspiring tidbits to include in your first message.

Hey, you probably shouldn’t attach your life story in the first place. Or any scientific breakdown of your interests for that matter. You’re not submitting some romantic manifesto for “How I’m Going To Change Your Life In 2011/12″. You’re sending a frigging first message that’s probably, by the law of averages, going to end up deleted.

Back to what I was saying. The difference between these two examples is that the latter quote conveys your interests using much more self-deprecating language. It’s almost apologetic. For many people, this may break from their real life personalities. But as a proven way of getting replies, it’s simple and effective.

If I could recommend the single biggest reply-booster for first message online dating, I would tell you this. Read the bloody profile of the person you’re messaging!

The ultimate turn-off, particularly for women, is to receive a message that screams “copy and pasted”. If you don’t read the user’s profile and establish some aspects of their life that you can draw in to conversation, you’re destined for an empty inbox from the outset.

If you’re reading this and can think of some first message dating howlers you’ve received, feel free to share them!

I do love me some laughing at the expense of others.

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