Would You Date America’s Next Top Model?

Reality television is something I try to avoid for fear of losing my last remaining brain cells. But when my girlfriend seizes control of the remote, I often suffer the displeasure of encountering dinosaurs like Kim Kardashian (Keeping Up With The Kardashians), Scary Spice and whoever the hell else happens to be airing their dirty laundry for all to see at the time.

A reality show that struck a chord with me quite recently is the notorious America’s Next Top Model. Or as I prefer to call it…America’s Next Total Wench.

What a great idea. Let’s watch a bunch of catty bitches argue amongst themselves while occasionally taking a photo that serves to remind us of only one thing. Beauty is skin deep. And often stupid.

Everything I hate about reality television can be summed up in the name of the show. Come on, lady. If you REALLY had a hope in Hell of becoming America’s Next Top Model, you wouldn’t be making a prat out of yourself on Star TV. You’d have been plucked from the audition line long before it got to the point of me choking on my popcorn at how much of a fuck-up you are.

I’ve never had the opportunity to live in America, so I can’t say this with any degree of certainty. But if the women are anything like those to be found on America’s Next Top Model – dumb, shallow as a fart with egos to rival Tyra Banks herself – I can safely say I’d never want to.

And what about Kim Kardashian? Jesus Christ, don’t even get me started on Kim Kardashian. What exactly has this bint contributed to the world other than a sex tape and the unfortunate legacy of her clan’s stupidity frozen on tape? Yet, shiver me timbers, I’m told Keeping Up With The Kardashians draws in a regular viewership of over 3 million households.

Do girls actually aspire to be like these shallow socialites?

Do guys actually get off on the idea of dating one?

To each his or her own. I’m not going to judge. I’m just going to sit here and bury my head in the world’s largest facepalm.

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