Why It Sucks To Be Kate Middleton

I have to be honest, I could barely give two shits about the royal wedding. I’m only writing about it because everybody else is. I don’t have anything against Prince William. He seems like the lesser of several prehistoric evils currently lurking in the Royal Family. And Kate Middleton is pretty hot. Nothing against Kate. I just think it sucks to be her.

Who would want to be a princess?

Okay, so most young girls. The same girls you’d find snorting coke up a wall if they ever had the chance.

I’ve always imagined the life of a princess to be 5% cute fuzzies and 95% pain in the arse.

When you strip away the Disney fairytale of being a royal, you’re left with the personal burden of suppressing your entire self and becoming the paparazzi’s newest plaything. As much as people loved Diana, the love and fame came at the price of her life. I’m sure Kate Middleton, the brand, is about to go up in the world. But for the person filling those shoes, it’s going to take more than a tiara and a forced smile to keep the wolf at the door.

Many soon-to-weds feel growing pressure and unease as their big day draws near. So imagine the nerves for the poor couple who have to contend with their big day being a public fucking holiday. I mean, seriously, cancel now and you’re going to get lynched by half of a country that already made plans for that extra day off work.

The happiest day of your life is to be screened on the BBC! I’m assuming they’ll have the Eastenders drumroll ready just in case things go awry at the top of the hour. Christ, it wouldn’t surprise me if Kate comes sprinting away from Westminster, straight in to the Queen Vic for a fistfight with Phil Mitchell who somehow shags his way in to the credits.

I’m sure the wedding will go off without a hitch, and the new couple will live happily ever after in a distant pampered palace. Which is exactly why I won’t be watching it, morbid curious goat that I am. But for Kate Middleton, there’ll be more than enough eyeballs tuned in to her every move to make every decision of her future life a tough one.

Have fun with that, Princess!

Recommended This Week:

• Liked this post? Please feel free to add Dating For LOLs to your RSS reader, or follow DatingForLOLs on Twitter.

• Check out our brand new Dating Directory for honest reviews of various dating sites on the web.

• Delicious