Posted: November 2nd, 2010 | Author: Dating For LOLs | Filed under: Dating Foreign Girls, Thailand Dating | No Comments »
I recently made the decision to move to Thailand and kiss goodbye to the classic freeze-your-nuts-off British winter that’s looming large on the horizon.
Who wouldn’t do the same if they had the chance?
There’s the fact that you can rent a sprawling mansion house for less than a tiny flat costs in London. I’m eyeing up a four bedroom, four bathroom place in the suburbs of Bangkok. Oh and it has a private swimming pool. For less than £1100/month.
Or how about the fact that the searing 30C heat is considered “cool season”? I can’t wait to top up my tan considering I’m the type of helpless English bastard who’s still staring at his bronzed arms from Glastonbury more than four months ago.
The Monday after the clocks go back is always a depressing affair and this week was no different. Given the opportunity to trade 4pm darkness for a Christmas on the beach, the choice is a no-brainer.
So, of course, the second I decide to tell my friends that I’m heading for Thailand, the reason is unanimous.
“He wants to bang some ladyboys.”
It doesn’t matter that I’m moving with my girlfriend and renting a place of our own. No, no, no. You tell your mates down the pub that you’re going to Thailand and there can only be one motive. You’re in it for the ladycock.
To be fair, I can see how it would be possible for a guy to improve his love life in Thailand. The country seems to have this reputation of being a paradise for the single white man. Well until you wake up next to a she-male, that is. I know several guys living the life of luxury in high-rise Bangkok condos and they rarely seem to be too far short of female attention on Facebook.
But to be honest, it’s a little sad that this beautiful and welcoming country has been reduced to no more than a giant pick-up ground in the minds of sex mad westerners. I can’t wait to travel and explore the culture with my girl.
It’s going to be a work of discipline too. Having read up on the etiquette of the Thai people, I’ve discovered that it’s offensive to show any public displays of affection. So all that noshing on the bus is a no-go.
I’m now counting down the days before I can jet out to pastures warm. Naturally the first thing I’ll be doing is tagging a bloody metric boatload of beach photos on Facebook. Happy Christmas wishes to my friends indeed!
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Posted: April 1st, 2010 | Author: Dating For LOLs | Filed under: Dating English Girls, Dating Foreign Girls, London Dating | No Comments »
…And a domestic failure.
Why is it that English guys have so much better luck with foreign girls than with those from our own country? Thank God For James Bond. If it wasn’t for 007 placing some kind of international high esteem on the English man, I’d be destined for celibacy.
My latest skirmishes with the fairer sex have involved an Austrian student and a sweet girl from Midwest America. Both girls landed in London with an instant weakness for the English accent. I hate to say it for sounding shallow, but life in the dating game is a whole lot easier if you have that accent to fall back on. It gives me the freedom to talk complete and utter bollocks and she still has me down as the sophisticated type.
Instead of feeling like the mutton dressed as lamb that I undoubtedly would be if she could dissect my words, a slight tang of middle English flavour is enough to put a sweetener on practically any bad line I can throw at her. And believe me, I throw plenty.
It’s hard not to want to leave these isles forever just to chase a more fruitful love life. If you can avoid the common holidaying spots where an English accent has evolved in to a siren of loutish behaviour just one missed penalty away, you can’t really go wrong.
I’ve even noticed how my own “rough around the edges” accent polishes up momentarily when I find myself around an attractive bunch of tourists. It’s as if the opportunist voice in my head is screaming to put on my best stiff upper lip and give it the all-English to improve my chances. Because there’s really not much to be charmed about when you strip away the reality of what it’s actually like to talk to the average British man.
Far from the magic of Harry Potter, denied the suave charisma of James Bond…most of us wouldn’t know how to live up to the fantasy if you laid it out to us in a step by step blueprint.
But the English accent never fails to paper over the cracks. At least long enough to give us several bites at the cherry. And I’m not just talking about British guys chasing foreign girls either. I’ve seen some of my best female friends serenaded with chat up lines and glowing compliments by my American guests. Call it pompous and arrogant, but the accent does seem to be a killer. I wouldn’t dare of complaining about a competitive advantage that merely involves me opening my mouth, regardless of the insane drivel explodes from it.
So why can’t it be so easy to attract English girls? Well, the answer is obvious. We’re attracted to what our eyes and ears aren’t used to dealing with. I know several women who cave in completely to the Spanish accent, others who couldn’t turn down an Italian bloke if he shagged her god damn sister. That’s just the way that it works.
I’d complain…but you know what? London is full of different nationalities. It’s the hub of the multicultural world.
And I’m happy to prey on gaggles of brainwashed tourists.
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