Dealing With A Neglective Boyfriend During The Ashes

Posted: November 23rd, 2010 | Author: | Filed under: Dating Tales | No Comments »

It’s almost time for one of my favourite sporting events. England are about to defend The Ashes when they kick off a five match series with Australia during the early hours of Thursday morning.

I’ve already broken the news to my girlfriend. “Sorry, but you’re going to have to share me for the next two months.”

Now not every English guy is crazy about cricket. I’d say the large majority probably aren’t interested in it at all. But if you’re sitting at home reading this with a boyfriend or husband who likes the sport, let this be a warning. He’s about to disappear from your bed.

Time differences being as they are, I will be quietly shifting from under the covers around the time of 1am. Ready to immerse myself in eight hours of attritional sporting action that my girl just couldn’t understand the meaning of even if she asked for a verbal essay of justification. Which she will. Oh she will.

The trouble with watching a daytime sport from the opposite hemisphere is that it will inevitably fuck with my body clock. I expect the trivial “coupley” things like going for breakfast together will become a strain. God forbid, I may have to bust out the “stressed from work” excuse to save my bedroom energy for the arduous task of keeping my eyes open past 5am. Ladies, it’s nothing personal. It’s just cricket.

If your man is a cricket fan, the best you can pray for is a short and sweet series whitewash with Australia giving us the hiding we’ve been used to for decades. Nothing says “go to bed” like 550-6 with Ricky Ponting’s smug face etched across my Sky Sports.

And guys, if you’re looking to negotiate the balancing act of watching the cricket and keeping your better half happy, it’s time to get tactful. Oh yes. I’ve pulled out the lunch date card.

There aren’t many things more disheartening than splashing out 80 quid on a lunch date when you know you’ve got to go home on your own afterwards. The thought of blowing a budget without any hope of playtime can be enough for a man to opt for nothing less than evening dates all the way.

Well, I’ve suddenly taken on a much more willing attitude towards those lunch dates. Christ, I’ve even agreed to go see Harry Potter. Anything that can be arranged between the hours of 1pm and 11pm!

I give it about two weeks before I’m forced to abandon The Ashes with the point of a heel jammed between my balls. But until then, COME ON ENGLAND!

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